The Falcón matanza is the venue of famous declarations of truth. Don Carmen’s hilarious telling of his conjugal relations at the age of 90 stood out for a long time, but the truth told by Conrado Falcón decades later topped it for its creepy reveal.
It was late-August. The Falcóns’ were at it again with their third matanza in their backyard thatsummer. The sacrificed animal was being winched up to be quartered when a cold breeze blew from the north, followed by a countervailing warm breeze from the south. Everybody in the crowd that had gathered for the matanza noted the sudden changes in the wind.
“You think it’s the start of fall?” a man asked.
“Chale, cuz the wind’s only changed twice so far,” a woman responded.
The crowd went silent and waited to see if the wind would change again.
“The fall’s already started de amadres. I felt it the other night,” Conrado said.
Everybody was surprised that the middle-aged, unattached man who normally stood alone had spoken up.
“I was walking around witnessing all the bad things that happen at night in the Southside, when suddenly the winds changed,” he declared.
The people around him looked suspiciously at each other, as if asking, “is he talking about you?”
“What fregados are you talking about, ese?” somebody asked.
“About all the bad things people do at night,” Conrado replied.
“What part of the Southside, vato?” another person asked.
“I walk all over the Southside, no matter if it's raining, windy or cold,” Conrado went on.
“Eeee! Pos where do you walk?” yet another person asked.
“In the alleys and paths through people’s yards. Vide everything,” Conrado said.
“Cómo qué everything?” somebody growled.
“Todo. Ask me something you don’t think I’ve seen,” he challenged the crowd.
Nobody dared. Instead, people whispered among each other looking sideways at Conrado.
“Sura peeping tom,” somebody murmured.
“Pos you want me to say what I see you do in the middle of the night?” Conrado said angrily.
“Pos come peeping at my house at night and you’re gonna vide a cuete,” an anonymous voice said.
“Pos I know where you put that cuete, and you won’t find it next time,” Conrado retorted.
“Hey, primo, cut it out. You’re scaring everybody,” one of Conrado’s cousins said.
“I’m the one who’s scared,” Conrado said.
“Then why do you walk around at night like that?” somebody asked.
“Cuz I can’t sleep from everything I vide,” Conrado said.
“Pos that’s the price you pay,” somebody said.
“Walk in the countryside, Conrado. Go see if the bear people are doing bad things,” somebody else said.
From then on, everybody made sure to draw their curtains tighter and loose their dogs so Conrado wouldn’t look in.
